My December
by JacktheSinister JaketheJust
Summary: It's Christmas time at Balamb Garden and Zell's alone. When he remembers it's Seifer's birthday he tries to fill the gap between them only to spend Christmas Eve not so alone.


Disclaimer: I don't own anything... I wish is did but I don't. Zell and Seifer are property of Sqeenix while I only own the plot line... One day.. one day I will claim you as mine little Zell Dincht.

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_**My December**_

"Ya know sometimes I really envy you and Irvine," Zell said, looking over at the bright yellow girl sitting in the chair next to him. He tipped his own chair back slightly, earning a good snap from Selphie.

"You're going to crack your head open one of these days," she said, looking over at Zell with a hopeless grin. "Why envy us? You have Squall an Rinoa to look at too."

Zell made a face, hating to think about Rinoa with his best friend. "He needs someone like Quistis, Rinoa's too whiney and spends all of his money," he said, earning a giggle from his best friend. "What? She is, she's a selfish, bratty, good for nothing gold digger."

"Zell where did you learn such a word?"

Zell gave an embarrassed grin. "Raijin."

Selphie shook her head, trying hard not to laugh at Zell's thoughts of the woman. She had to admit that she wasn't too fond of the other woman either, something never sitting quite right with her. "Anyway why envy us?"

"Because it's December. You have each other; you have someone to come back to after a trip. You have someone to talk to about anything, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with. You're not alone for the holidays," Zell explained, looking down at his shoes, wondering why he always felt so shitty over the winter months. "Seifer even has someone to go to."

At that Selphie start to laugh, unable to hold it in. "Really, who does he have to go to?" she asked, standing from her chair to go to the mini fridge she had hidden under her desk. "You want some water?"

Zell shook his head, wishing that they would finish up the new dorms that were more like mini apartments with a kitchenette, even without a stove he could make some good microwave meals and having his own shower again would be great. "He's got Fujin, He's always had her, ya know?"

"Ok Raijin, if you say so," she said, shutting the door and returning to her seat with a bottle of water. She picked up her book and started to read. "It's not all the great, to have someone for the holidays. It's not like we're guaranteed to be together for them." She sighed, thinking of how much she was really missing Irvine at that moment. "He wont be back until after Christmas… our first one together and he was called back to Galbadia…"

Zell rested a hand on hers, knowing that she would mope later when she was alone so no one could see her. "You still have him though babe," he whispered, trying to make the girl feel better. "He'll bring you some of those chocolates you like so much too, I bet."

Selphie started to giggle trying not to sniffle at the small tears that were coming to her eyes. "Yeah, I guess he will."

"You have each other, that's all that matters, and what did you mean by 'if you say so'?" he questioned, remembering their conversation before Irvine.

Selphie shook her head. "Fujin was caught making out with Raijin two days ago, she said she would beat Rinoa to a bloody pulp if she told though," she giggled, thinking of such a small woman with such a big man. "I don't think Rinoa would survive."

"Tomorrow's his birthday," Zell whispered, just remembering. "He'll be 20."

"Who?" Selphie asked, wondering what Zell was talking about. She was getting a little worried, Zell never seemed so far off and distant about anything.

"Seifer… his birthday is tomorrow. I wonder how he's doing."

"Dead hopefully," she snorted, trying not the think of the other man. "I'm still mad that he tried to kill us." She wasn't going to forgive him just because it was his birthday and the holidays.

"He told us before that it wasn't like that. He wasn't just some terrorist, he really didn't know what was going on," he protested, shocked that he was defending a man he'd hated since they were kids.

"Tell that to my right leg, two years and some days it still hurts like hell," she snapped again, remembering the last battle where he'd almost cut her down. He'd done a good deal of damage by attacking her right side but her leg, though it didn't show any visible scars, was severely damaged.

Zell sighed, he knew the others would have no sympathy, just him and Cid. He never knew why he felt like Seifer was just trying to live a dream, like the rest of them were trying to do.

Selphie tossed her book down, too aggravated to read it any longer. "It pisses me off that he gets to come back here like nothing ever fucking happened! He's worthless and a liability."

Zell tried not to listen, knowing that when Cid had let Seifer back in the garden he was thinking the same thoughts. "I'm gonna go Selph. I promised Quistis I would try and do this paper for her class," he laughed, wanting to get as far away from Selphie as he could.

Selphie nodded, fuming slightly. "I'll see you later then. We can go get some lunch together on Christmas or something," she said, standing to give her best friend a hug. "Stay out of trouble Zell and keep warm."

Zell nodded, kissing her cheek and leaving. Once outside of her room he gave a sad sigh. He really felt bad for Seifer, the idea of not really being able to remember what happened over that year and a half, your two best friends ditching you for each other. He knew Seifer had to hate the holidays as much as he did. "I hate Christmas…" he whispered, walking towards the direction of his dorm room. He really didn't like the idea of sharing one with another person but Irvine wasn't that bad and with him being gone it was like he had the room to himself again, sure it was smaller than his SeeD dorm but it wasn't crowded. He leaned on the wall next to his door, wondering if he really wanted to go in and do nothing or just walk around.

His mind was stuck on the other man. He couldn't think of a time that they had talked civilly to one another let alone one time that Seifer had ever done anything nice for him. He thought and thought, trying to remember as far back as he could, knowing that when they were kids something had to be different, something had to have changed after he was adopted. "What happened?" he asked, looking up, noticing that he'd made his way outside to the courtyard, glad that Cid had finally planted Balamb Garden back down permanently. He really missed sitting on the stone benches or the fountain to think. His head hurt thinking about it.

"You look lonely," came a friendly voice, a soft expression on the normally stoic face.

Zell looked up, trying to smile at his other friend. "Hey Squall. I was just thinking," he said, leaning back, the cold air biting at him through his jacket and his bare legs. Do you remember when we were kids?"

"Why?" Squall asked, sitting next to the other boy, crossing his arms and thinking. "What are you trying to remember?"

"Seifer."

"What?" Squall asked, surprise evident in his voice. "Why would you want to remember him?" He was almost worried about Zell why would he want to remember being a kid with him.

"I was trying to remember when he was nice to me as a kid. I know it sounds strange huh?" he asked, looking over at his commander. "I can't think of a single time."

"He saved your favorite ball from going out to sea," Squall said, remembering that day. "Then he popped it the next day…"

Zell sighed. "Do you know what tomorrow is?" he asked, trying not to think of that ball, it was his favorite of all time, it had a little chickabo on it.

"It's the twenty-second, what about it?" he asked, standing, the stone too cold for him.

Zell felt like he was the only one to remember. "Nothing. I just thought there was something important," he sighed, standing as well. "Well, I'll see you around Squall, don't get too cold."

Squall nodded, watching as Zell slouched away, head almost bowed and posture slumped. He couldn't tell him about the night before he was officially adopted that Seifer had made him a makeshift card saying that he would miss him and enclosed was the popped ball, a patch over where the hole had been.

Zell felt like he was moping, thoughts coming and going, all of Seifer, all of how much torment he'd gone through. "Why do I bother?" he asked, feeling the warmth of the garden wash over him. He shivered, his legs numb and heart heavy. He made his way around the garden, the library was only good for about an hour, the cafeteria doing nothing but making his stomach growl. He walked, still trying to remember anything. His walk did nothing for him, just making his feet tired and his head hurt.

"I don't know why Cid let him back in here, he's just going to make trouble," whispered one of the twins that walked up the middle of the entrance.

"He's useless in battle. No one is going to want to do a mission with him," the other whispered back, flicking her hair back. "He's fucking useless."

Zell hated that they were talking about someone they didn't even know. "You don't even know him. Not that you two would last two seconds in a battle on your own anyway," he snapped, walking up to them. "You act like you've never fucked up in your life. So you two are fucking princesses that haven't done shit wrong. You make me sick."

The girls flipped their hair and walked away, knowing that he was right in some cases, they were rich and only came to the garden because they didn't want to move away from their mother and they had never been in battle not even once.

Zell smiled, feeling a sense of accomplishment. "Bitches," he muttered, turning to walk about outside, the cold would cool him off.

"I don't need someone like you to defend me," came a dark voice.

Zell turned, his smile falling. "Seifer," he whimpered, trying to think of something to say. "You look like hell." It wasn't the best but his motor mouth over ran his brain again. He looked over Seifer, the other man standing there almost slouching as he stood, trying to keep some pride. Seifer wasn't the man he'd known, this Seifer was alone, no posse, no insults, just Seifer with slight rings under his eyes and looking slightly smaller like he hadn't eaten lately.

"You never looked great yourself Chicken Wuss," Seifer retorted, running a gloved hand through his hair. He turned, ready to leave, not wanting to stand around and talk to the over hyper boy.

"Hey Seifer?" Zell called, thinking of a plan. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Seifer rolled his eyes. "Why?" he asked, turning back to face his favorite person to torture. "Gonna ask me out on a date?"

Zell tried not to let his temper get the best of him. "I was going to ask if you wanted to get some coffee," he said, gritting his teeth. "But I know you're a busy person, pushing around cadets and all still."

Seifer saw the challenge in Zell's eyes and heard it in his voice. "Where?"

"Balamb, I'll meet you out front at noon," he said, turning and striding away, knowing that Seifer couldn't turn down an invite like that.

"And if I don't show?"

"I'll hunt you down."

Seifer smirked, let the little chicken try and find him. "I have better things to do than go to your little tea party," he said, knowing Zell was too far away to hear. He sighed, looking back at his two friends, both enjoying the warmth of the garden and each other's company for the holidays. "What do I have to lose anymore?"

Zell was more than pleased with himself. He was going to be the one to treat Seifer to a day out, something nice for his birthday, something no one else remembered or even cared about. With a smile he bounded off, thinking of what to get the other man for such an occasion.

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Seifer felt miserable the next morning, he hadn't slept the night before and he sure wasn't going to get any later, not with his little tea party with Dincht. "Why is he even being nice to me? I made his life hell when we were kids and I nearly killed him," he mumbled, rising from his bed with a groan. He moved around, kicking his laundry around to find his pants. "Fuck, I don't even remember what happened last night."

"SEIFER?" came a sweet voice.

"What?" he called throwing something, he wasn't sure what it was, across the room to answer the door. "Whadda want?" He wasn't meaning to snap at Fujin as he pulled on his famous blue shirt and trench coat but he was still a little pissed that he was going to be alone on Christmas again, though it was normal.

"NOON."

"Fuck, that's right," he said, running a hand through his hair. "Well I'm busy, he'll just have to have his little tea party alone." With that he closed the door and flopped down on his bed. "Fucking bitch…"

A knock came at the door, them with almost brutal force it slid open, the silver haired girl non-too happy coming through the door. "Seifer get the fuck out of this bed. You've been moping around for months. Get off your sorry ass and do something," she snapped, grabbing Seifer by the arm and yanking him up. "You need to get over this stupid cat and mouse game with Zell anyway, you're not five anymore." She moved around the room opening the blinds so Seifer couldn't close his eyes. "Get over yourself and at least talk to him. He was being sincere yesterday when he invited you out to coffee."

Seifer groaned, grabbing Hyperion and walking out. He didn't bother with arguing or trying to win anymore, he didn't care. He strode out to the front of the garden and looked around. "Welp no chicken, I'm going back to bed," he mused, shrugging his shoulders.

"Sorry I'm late, Selphie was helping me with something," Zell explained, jogging up the aggravated man. "Let's go." He led the way, taking Seifer's hand in his momentarily to get him moving. "You know I remember when we were kids…"

"What's there to remember? I beat the shit out of you every day," Seifer interrupted, rolling his eyes. He stopped, Zell stopping in front of him.

"Selphie reminded me of the one time you did something nice," he said, turning to face Seifer. "I still have that card at my mom's house."

Seifer rolled his eyes. "That was years ago, why would you remember that?"

Zell bit his lip, trying to tell Seifer why he really remembered. He gave a hopeless smile before shrugging. "I can't remember any other time you were nice to me, or the rest of us. I mean… you never played with us, you were alone and the only one you talked to Matron and sometimes Squall," he explained sheepishly, turning back around. "You always pushed me around when I just wanted to be your friend."

Seifer was quiet. Back then he was so angry at everything, everyone. He hated that no one wanted to be his friend when they were kids. Irvine always took care of Selphie, Quistis took care of Squall and Zell, Zell, was everyone's best friend. He was always the life of the party even though he did cry a lot. He tried not to smile, little Zell coming to mind in their first stick duel.

"Anyway that was a long time ago. It doesn't change I guess," Zell said, walking with his hands behind his head. He tried not to shiver, his jacket and shorts inadequate clothing for being around Balamb in winter. The cold seeped through his clothes stabbing him with the sharp wind.

Seifer smirked, watching at the other boy shivered, trying to hide it, like everything when he was a kid. He walked behind Zell, trying to remember the real reasons he had hated Zell, why he really didn't want to be the younger man's friend. He looked up, white flakes starting to fly around them lightly. "You're going to freeze," he said, pulling his own coat tighter around him.

"Do it every year, it's like training," Zell said, missing any ounce of worry or cold. "I kinda like it. It makes me feel like I'm alive. After the war it was hard to feel this way being alone all the time made me feel like I had died back in the ugly castle." He looked over his shoulder at Seifer, taking in the perplexed look. "Ya know, I think this is the first time that we've actually had a conversation without trying to kill each other."

Seifer snickered, there was no denying that it was the first time that he'd actually listened to the other man while he talked. "It's more of a one sided conversation. You're doing all the talking," he said, shoving his hands into his pockets, wishing the cold weather would hurry up and break into spring so he didn't always feel so alone.

"You never talk," Zell countered, turning to walk backwards, his cheeks pink from the wind. "You know it's not fun. The fame, being known for what you did because you were forced to do it. It's not easy… trying to be happy when you just want to break down and stop reliving all that pain."

Seifer stopped, why did everyone want to bring up the war while he was around. "It's not so easy on my end either, I was the one that ended up being her knight," Seifer growled, crossing his arms. He didn't want to have this conversation, not when it normally ended in a fight.

Zell shook his head, turning back to watch the road. "I know, but you accomplished your dream. Dreams are dreams it doesn't matter how you do it," he said, almost trying to understand Seifer. "You're lucky that you got to have yours."

"Chicken has dreams?" Seifer asked, his voice taunting.

Zell sighed. "I used to."

That floored Seifer, why would Zell just up and quit. Why would he quit when he had his whole life ahead of him? He could do anything. "Used to?" Seifer almost hit himself, Zell was already rubbing off on him, letting his mouth run before he could think it.

"Yeah. It all came tumbling down after the war though, everything did."

Seifer almost felt sorry for Zell. He had always seen him as strong fighter and an even stronger dreamer. That's all Zell did in the orphanage anyway was dream.

"Anyway, we're here. Let's get that coffee I promised," he said, voice downcast. He walked, trying not the think of his shattered dreams. He put on a smile, hoping no one would notice. "You want to sit inside?" He looked over at Seifer, pulling open the door. "Or would that ruin your bad boy image?"

Seifer chuckled and shook his head. "Anywhere that's not outside," he said, stepping in and waiting for Zell. He felt like we was on a date, looking over the expensive coffees and teas. Suddenly he started looking for the cheapest thing, not wanting to spend too much of Zell's money.

"What can I get for ya?" came a small voice. A girl with blond hair was waiting on them. "The usual Zell?"

Zell nodded, looking over at Seifer.

"I'll just take the Chai tea," he said, looking down at the girl.

"Mkay Vanilla or Mocha?"

"Vanilla."

Zell smiled, paying for the items and two cupcakes. "You pick out a spot, I'll bring it to you," he said, pointing towards the comfortable seating around the entire place. "You can even pick out a game. Selphie and I played Sorry the last time we were here." He chuckled, watching as Seifer roamed for a minute, only to look at the stack of board games.

"All ready Zell," came the girls' voice.

"Thanks. See ya next time." He earned a smile and a nod as he headed over to Seifer's spot over near the corner, two over stuffed armchairs there. "We can play Clue."

Seifer almost dropped his cupcake. "With two people?" he asked, mentally smacking himself for such a comment.

"It wouldn't be as much fun as it we had more people but it was your favorite game back in the orphanage," he explained, sitting next to Seifer and chomping into his cupcake. "These are really good this time of year. I don't know why though."

Seifer snorted, taking a small bite out of his, only to smile. He hadn't had anything baked like that since they were in the orphanage. It was sweet and made him feel like there were some things that just could never be replaced.

Zell sighed in contentment, pulling his feet into the chair as he rubbed his legs with one hand. "I miss being a nobody. I mean I love having everyone back like we were kids but… the fame it's almost a nightmare," he said, unsure of why was spilling his guts to the other man like they had been friends since then. "Everyone knowing your name, asking you for advice on things you don't know anything about, wanting something from you. It's so sickening."

Seifer could relate, he was on the shitty end of the stick but he could relate, everyone hated him, even though he didn't know too much of what happened. He was told that he was helping the greater good that he was going to be seen as a true knight. "I know what it's like," Seifer whispered, looking down into the warm tea, trying not to think about it.

Zell smiled, maybe he could get Seifer to come out of his shell, even just a little bit. "I'd give it all up you know, the fame, the glory, everyone knowing my name," he muttered, looking down at his own coffee. "Everyone wants something from you when you're famous and all of a sudden every girl you know wants in your bed just to say you slept together."

Seifer looked over at Zell. Was he saying that he didn't want to be used and abused is that what he meant by giving it all up? He didn't talk, letting Zell take in a shaky breath and exhale.

"That's why I'll never have another dream. What's the point of dreaming for something that's never going to happen," he said, taking a long drink from his steaming cup. It warmed his insides, but not his heart. It just made it feel colder. Then Zell was quiet, almost mulling over everything he'd told Seifer.

"Why are you telling me all this?" he asked, all malice gone. He didn't understand how someone could just ask him out to coffee, open up about their life, and barely even know them. He knew Zell had always been a little too trusting but this was a little far, letting him, Seifer Almasy, in his head. It was suicide.

Zell sighed again, trying to smile. "I don't really know. I don't feel so alone when you're around I guess. It just keeps coming, like we've been friends forever, but I barely know you. I don't know anything about you and I'll spilling my life's story," he said, looking over at the other man.

Seifer didn't know how to react. For once he didn't want to laugh at someone's weakness, he didn't want to taunt Zell for feeling that way. "You have icing on your cheek," he stated, leaning and brushing it away with his hand. "Green doesn't suit you."

Zell smiled, trying to force back a laugh. "C'mon, the others are gonna think you killed me if we don't come back before four," he said, standing, pulling his jacket tighter around him. "I hate cold weather."

Seifer smirked, finishing his last few gulps of tea and discarding his cup in the trash. He wasn't going to admit that he'd liked spending the afternoon with Zell, he wasn't going to say that he'd like to do it again. "Since when did you care what the others think?" he asked, opening the door this time for Zell.

"Since the saved my ass while we were in the war. I owe them at least a little respect for everything," he said, walking out into the now heavier snowfall. "You coming?"

Seifer shook his head, following Zell out of Balamb and into the terrain, loving how everything looked covered in snow, how beautiful it really was.

Rain wasn't too far behind the snow, rain always falling with it, somehow. It started falling lightly then a little harder.

"You're getting wet," Seifer stated, watching as the blond crest started to droop. He sighed, Zell shrugging his shoulders as he kept walking. He moved up to Zell and lifted his own coat over the boy's head. "You're going to catch pneumonia like this."

Zell looked up at Seifer, surprised that he would let someone else under his sacred coat. "You're gonna get cold if I stay under here," he said, trying to walking out from under it.

"And let the ice princess and that little yellow thing try to get me kicked out for letting you get sick. I don't have anywhere else to go, I can't fuck up here," he said, wrapping an arm around Zell's shoulders and allowing half of his coat to be occupied by the marital artist. "I can't afford it."

Zell nodded, wrapping an arm around Seifer's waist, a blush painting itself on his cheeks. "Do you have another dream?" he asked weakly, trying not to notice how close Seifer was to him and how good his cologne smelled; tarnished leather and a musky scent that was indescribably perfect.

"Why? You wanna make fun of me for it?" Seifer asked, looking down at Zell. He snorted, considering the idea of throwing Zell out of his coat, if the warmth the other boy hadn't been keeping him from shivering.

Zell chuckled. "Just wondered that's all," he said, trying to stay instep with the other man and keep their pace the same. "Thanks."

"For what?" Seifer asked after a moment, looking back inside his coat.

"For letting me use your coat too," Zell finished, looking at the ground. "I really appreciate it." He looked up, hoping that Seifer took the blush on his cheeks for just being pink from the wind again.

Seifer shook his head. "Your welcome," he said, knowing Zell was giving him a shocked expression. "Tell anyone I know those words and I'll break that pretty little face of yours."

Zell smiled, same old Seifer. "I won't." The rest of the walk was oddly silent but not uncomfortable. He would lean closer to Seifer if he got cold and pull the front of Seifer's coat around him more. "I didn't think this thing would be so light," he stated, stopping at the front gates and coming from under the warm surroundings.

Seifer rolled his eyes, of course it was going to be light, how was he supposed to wield his gunblade if it was heavy like the other ones. He didn't say it, though he wanted to, trying to be nice to Zell. He began towards the entrance, Zell following him.

"I… uh… you wanna come over to my dorm? You know just to talk some more?" Zell asked, almost hitting himself for his lousy attempt at trying to get Seifer to come over. He gave a pitiful smile, trying to think of someway to crawl under a rock and die.

Seifer raised an eyebrow. "Sure, not like I have anything else to do," he said, following after Zell. He stayed a good foot or two behind Zell, thinking of what the other boy wanted to talk about. He didn't want to admit it but he was actually enjoying himself for the first time around this time of the year.

Zell slid his key card through the temporary dorm and waited for the door to open. "Irvine's out on a mission so you don't have to worry about people," he said, pressing the close button, walking over to the small table they had set up in the first room before the two bedrooms. He pulled out a chair, offering it to Seifer. "It gets pretty warm in here."

Seifer sat down, pulling his coat off, he noticed. He crossed his legs while Zell moved around the small room, pulling out a bottle from the mini fridge that was hidden under a small end table with books. "Those are forbidden you know that," he said, leaning back on his chair.

"Yeah, so? You gonna turn me in?" he asked, tossing Seifer a bottle of water. "It's all I got right now." He walked over, his own bottle in hand. "Irvine took my liquor."

Seifer's eyebrow shot up. "You drink?" he asked, opening the bottle and taking a swig.

Zell shrugged. "It helps me sleep when I can't. It makes a cold bed warm when you don't have anyone," he said, opening his own bottle and taking a drink. "It could be worse."

Seifer nodded, looking over Zell, noticing that he had grown up a lot since the war. He wasn't so hyper, so mouthy, like it all had faded with time. "You've changed," he said, setting his chair down and looking straight into the sapphire eyes.

Zell shrugged. "Who hasn't?" he asked, locking his eyes with Seifer's emerald ones. He stayed there for a moment, not blinking. He wondered if Seifer was peering into his soul or trying to find something. He turned his face, the black tattoo the new focus of Seifer's eyes.

"You got that when you were sixteen," he said, looking down. "Your whole face was red for a week." He remembered because in all of the classes they had together Zell would try to talk and all that came out was a jumble of words because his face had swelled slightly.

"You remember?" Zell asked, chuckling, remembering days that he felt like a tomato. "You called me a tomato until it went back to normal."

Seifer started to chuckle, forgetting that he'd tormented him about it. "Yeah." He smiled, thinking back. "I had a lot of dreams back then," he stated, voice dying into a calm. "I wanted so much."

Zell smile faded as he rested his head on his hands. "I know how you feel. Everything got ripped away," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment before opening then and looking up at Seifer's void eyes. "Like Hyne himself never wanted you to be happy, shattering all your dreams in the end like they didn't even matter."

Seifer nodded, looking at his half empty bottle. "I didn't want to just be a knight. What a stupid dream, things like that don't exist anymore," he spat, feeling disgusted with himself. "What's the point?"

"You always had Rinoa," Zell encouraged, remembering that Seifer had been with her before she got with Squall.

Seifer laughed out loud. "She's so fuckin ditzy I never thought she was going to leave. I feel sorry for Squall," he said, throwing his head back and laughing harder.

Zell smiled. "You look good when you smile," he said, shaking his head after his words. He hoped Seifer hadn't noticed.

"You coming on to me now?" Seifer teased, looking over at Zell with humor in his eyes. He started to laugh at Zell's shocked face.

"In your wettest dreams," Zell retorted, smiling as he laughed back. Tears were evident in his eyes when they stopped laughing. "I haven't laughed like that in so long."

Seifer nodded, resting his head on his hands, elbows on the cool table. "Feels like I missed so much as a kid," he said, looking towards the wall.

Zell wiped his eyes, looking over at the other boy. "You never answered my question, ya know, about having a dream now," he said, trying to encourage the other man to tell him.

"Sorta, I can't undo everything but I can still try to be better, on and off the battle field," he said, looking over at Zell, locking eyes with him again. "You?"

Zell knew he could lie and keep his dignity intact but why lie to the man that had just shared his deepest dream. "Yeah. Sounds really girly but…" he stood, thinking of how to phrase it, "I… I want to find love. Sounds stupid huh?" he gave an embarrassed chuckle, wishing he'd just lied after all.

"Not really," Seifer said after a moment. "Got anyone in mind?"

Zell's eyes widened, turning to face Seifer he heard the other man start to chuckle. "I'm not gonna tell you that much," he snapped, cheeks flaring.

"So that means you've never thought about someone?"

"Just drop it."

"Why?"

"Because… you're just going to make fun of me like you did when we were kids."

Seifer was quiet. He had been mean to Zell about his dreams back then. "I'm sorry about everything when we were kids. I didn't mean half of what I said to you," he said, sighing. "I just wanted someone to feel like I did all the time."

Zell turned his head, moving around the small room. He wasn't sure how to respond to Seifer's apology. "It's alright now. We only have one life right?" he asked, failing at keeping himself busy and sitting back at the table. "I… uh… I got you something."

Seifer looked confused. "For me?" he asked, watching as Zell left the room and returned with a small box. He looked it over, Zell placing it in his hands. "What is it?"

Zell tried not to snicker. "I can't tell you, you have to open in and see," he said, sitting back across from Seifer. "It's not much."

Seifer took the carefully wrapped lid off and peered inside. His heart started to race against his breastbone, as he lifted out a beautifully crafted bracelet. "Zell… I can't…" he stopped, looking up at the other man.

"I made it… I knew it was your birthday and you normally look so miserable so I… I just wanted… I wanted you to enjoy it for once…" Zell said, looking down and his fidgeting hands while they played with their gloves. "If you don't like it, you don't have to take it."

Seifer was silent; no one had remembered his birthday for years. He didn't know what to say to Zell, it really was beautifully crafted and looked much like his necklace. "No, it's…" he stopped again, still unsure of how to phrase his approval. "Thank you Zell."

Zell smiled. "That's only the second time you've ever called my by my real name since we were kids," he murmured, looking down at his shoes. He looked up, Seifer looking down at the bracelet with an attentive eye. "It just has your name on the underside, like your necklace does."

Seifer looked under it and tried not the give a goofy smile, in perfect cursive there was his name. _Seifer Almasy_. He put it on, slipping it under his glove so it wouldn't get damaged. He gave a shy smile and thanked Zell again. "Are you gonna be busy tomorrow?" he asked, standing.

"I have to help Selphie with some plans but I have Christmas Eve off. We can hang out then," he said, thinking through his schedule. He almost hated that he had to help Selphie the next day with the decorations for the New Years Eve Bash. "Do you want to meet somewhere?"

Seifer nodded. "You can come over for a few drinks, not like I have anyone to celebrate with anyway," he said, pulling on his coat, suddenly cold in the warm room. "I better go. It's almost dinner, the cafeteria fills up quick if you're late."

Zell nodded feeling awkward in the presence of the other man suddenly. He walked over to the door, opening it and allowing Seifer to leave. "I'll see you then."

Seifer nodded, a small smile on his lips as he turned and left Zell standing in the doorway. He felt over whelmed and the slightest bit touched that Zell would go through all of this to just make his birthday better. He had to admit that it was the best birthday he'd ever had. "Zell," he whispered, hand fiddling with the new bracelet trying to think or something else. He had to admit that it was a nice gesture and it was really good. He sighed, going towards his dorm, opening the door and flopping down on his bed. He kicked his boots off, and pulled his gloves off to look at the shining silver against his tanned skin.

"Beautiful," he whispered, looking at the think band, taking in how beautiful his name looked. He didn't want to think about how it made him feel, to have someone care about him like this. "He's just being nice, don't even try to get attached, it'll just fall apart!" He hated that Zell had gotten under his defenses and made him feel like a real person.

"Just another lie." He turned over, staring at the ceiling, his hand moving to his line of vision, showing off the metal. "Dammit!" He growled, turning to his side, trying not the think about Zell's kindness. "It's not like I'm falling for the little wuss, that's impossible, I don't fall for anyone." He sighed, thinking of how good Zell had looked, his hair perfect until the rain, making him look even more adorable. "Why him?" He questioned Hyne why it had to be Zell and not some other person, anybody else just not him. He didn't care if it were a boy, a girl, an it as long as it was someone that didn't know about his past or how he ran. He didn't want that fairytale ending of finding someone he'd known since childhood to share eternity with.

Zell sighed, looking at the empty box. "Did he really like it?" he wondered aloud, moving around his shared dorm, picking up the empty water bottles and set them on the hidden fridge. He picked up the empty box and took it back to his own personal room. With a sigh he set it on the desk he had squeezed in there, staring at it. "Maybe it was lame…."

His mind rolled over the afternoon, the coffee shop, him using Seifer's coat as an umbrella, the talk in his dorm, giving Seifer the bracelet. He sat down on his bed, throwing his head back onto his pillow. "What am I doing?" He tried to understand what he was even doing. It wasn't like he really wanted to be Seifer's friend, was it? Why did his heart beat so fast then when they were close under the coat? Why was his face so red when they talked under there and had an arm around Seifer's waist? Why did he even want to see Seifer again? He pondered what really made him want to see Seifer and talk again.

"Why are you on my mind?" he mumbled, closing his eyes as he turned to his stomach, wishing that he couldn't see the other man laughing behind his eye lids. He yelled into the pillow, trying to understand what was going on in his mind. He didn't like Seifer for more than a friend so why was his heart acting like he was his last girlfriend? "Damn you Seifer…."

--------------

"Seifer?" can a soft female voice, opening the door and stepping inside. "Seifer?" She called out softly into the dark room, wondering where the other boy could be in the mass.

"What?" came a groggy voice, a crash following. "Fuck! I'm getting tired of this mess!" The blond stood, kicking a way towards the woman at the door. "What the hell do you want?"

The dark haired woman glared at Seifer. "Don't be an ass," she said, pushing her way into the dorm room. "You need to clean this place up."

"Still don't know what you're here for," he snapped, running a bare hand over his face.

"Nice bracelet," Rinoa chimed, reaching out to touch it. She felt air and her hands start to sting. "What the hell? I was just looking Seifer." She narrowed her eyes at him before shrugging her shoulders.

Seifer didn't want anyone to touch it. He wasn't going to explain where it came from and he wasn't going to let her near it. "Get out of my room," he said, opening the door and pushing her out. "Go bug Squall for a while, I don't feel like dealing with you."

Rinoa stomped her foot, ready to go back in before the door shut right in front of her, a beep of a lock showing that there was no way Seifer was going to open the door again for her. "You're such an asshole Seifer! That bracelet is probably fake anyway you cheap ass!" she yelled, kicking the door and leaving.

"Finally some peace," he sighed, lying back down on the bed, looking over his bracelet. He smiled, Zell coming to mind and how cute he'd looked with a blush staining his cheeks. "Damn…." He sighed, getting out of the bed, knowing that if Zell came over to this mess he wasn't going to be too impressed. "I hate cleaning this place up." He walked to the desk he had, the small stereo the only thing that kept him sane. He turned it up so he could hear it all through the small room, knowing that his room was one of the few that were sound proof. He was thankful, only having his bedroom, a small sitting room and a bathroom to one side to clean.

A good rock song came on and Seifer began to pick up his strayed clothes, noticing that most of them were clean that he'd just neglected to put away. He threw them all in the hamper, needing to rewash them if they had been on his floor. He almost smiled, most of the crap on his floor being clothes. He pushed it into his small closet, shutting the door so no one would see it. He moved around picking up empty soda cans and take out boxes, wishing that he'd really learn to eat something healthy.

He began to hum to the beat, picking up his paper work and throwing it on his desk. He gave a smile, the only thing that needed really put away was Hyperion's case. "Sorry bud," he said, pushing it into the corner so it was out of the way. "Gotta get some booze."

"SEIFER?" came a loud voice, causing the man to turn down the music and unlock his door.

"What up?" he asked, leaning on the frame to look Fujin in the eyes. He gave a smirk, letting the girl come in. He didn't miss the sudden halt in her step as she looked down.

"You cleaned up?" she asked, almost horrified. "What's the occasion?"

Seifer chuckled. "Don't really have one, I got tired of falling over myself. Hey you wanna go get some liquor for me?" he asked, smiling. "I need some."

"He made you a bracelet?" Fujin asked, taking Seifer's wrist and holding it up, careful not to touch the metal. " She smiled back at Seifer and shook her head. "I can get some."

Seifer thanked her, unsure of why he was so giddy about the next night. He wanted to say that it meant nothing but he knew Fujin would catch his bluff. If it really were nothing he would have taken it off as soon as he gotten home and chucked it somewhere. "He's coming over tomorrow night."

Fujin nodded, sitting down at the small table in the corner of the room she had forgotten Seifer had had. "I know it was yesterday but Happy Birthday Seifer. I'm glad everything is going better between you two," she said, reaching in her pocket. "Raijin and I didn't know what…"

Seifer shook his head. "Don't Fu. You know you and Raijin are the only friends I have, don't spend your money on me. Save it up for you two," he said, taking a seat next to her. "When are you two tying the knot?"

Fujin chuckled, slapping Seifer's arm. "Never, we haven't even talked about it," she said, a blush on her pale cheeks.

Seifer smiled. "I'm glad you two got together finally."

Fujin nodded, a smile on her lips.

"You know Zell you should help me every year," Selphie said, pinning up a streamer. "It's nice having someone to talk to while your doing this." She started humming to herself, trying to keep her mind off of her missing boyfriend.

"You have a whole crew here Selph," Zell sighed, looking over at the others running around and putting up things for the bash. "What's the surprise of the year going to be this year?"

"Now Zell you know I can't tell you that, only Quistis and I know that right now. It was on the poll this year on the website," she explained, adding ribbons to the streamers. "So what are you doing for Christmas eve?" Selphie looked down after a moment of silence. "Zell"

"Well I got plans," he shyly admitted. He looked up, Selphie's eyes full of joy. He felt bad for not telling her who they were with.

"I see. Well don't get to excited if you need some condoms I have some back in my dorm," she said, looking back at her work.

Zell sputtered. "Why would I need those?" he asked, looking back up at her, wishing he had told her it was with Seifer so she didn't think that he was going to be out with another bimbo that just wanted in his pants.

"Ya know, in case you decide to give her a present early."

Zell sighed, Irvine had to stop rubbing off on Selphie, he was starting to miss his innocent minded best friend. "Irvine I'm going to kill you," he muttered, looking helplessly up at Selphie. "Thanks but I don't think that there'll be that kind of gift exchange."

"Oh, how did Seifer like that bracelet?" she asked in a hushed voice, jumping down from the latter. "I mean it did take me over an hour to wrap that box up right."

Zell sighed. "I don't know…" he mumbled, walking over to the table full of decorations. "He put it on…."

"Then he's got to like it. If he didn't like it he would have put it back in the box, right?" she asked, picking up another roll of streamers and ribbons. "If you'll grab some balloons we can work over in the corner where no one can hear us."

Zell nodded, taking the big cart full of balloons over to one corner of the quad. "He left right after that though. He said thank you," he said, standing the latter up Selphie had brought over. He started to hand up the supplies.

"Seifer never says thank you, he wasn't just being polite," she said, taping up a few balloons in the middle of a streamer bow. "I still don't like the idea of you being near him."

Zell sighed. "Mother hen," he said, snickering. "You're starting to sound like how Quistis is to Squall." He stepped back, Selphie throwing a tape dispenser at him. "You know I love you!"

Selphie sighed, chuckling at their situation. "I heard from Irvine," she said, her spirit jumping up. "He's gonna be home on Christmas, it's going to be the best present ever and you know he said that he was sorry that we couldn't spend Christmas Eve together this year."

Zell smiled. He'd gotten a letter from Irvine that morning saying that he would be home on Christmas Eve and that he wanted to surprise Selphie. He let Selphie go on more about how excited she was, letting his own mind wonder on the man that was going to spend the next night with. He wasn't so sure what to take with him and it wasn't like he loved him anyway. Right?

---------------

Zell sighed, his heart beating at an odd pace, first slow and steady then racing like he'd out run a Touma. "Get a hold of yourself Dincht, it's not like it's a date, it's just me and Seifer having a few drinks. That's all, just a few drinks because we don't have anyone to spend it with anyway," he persuaded himself, groaning at the way he looked in the red sweater. "Fuck!"

"Need some help?" a voice at the door said, catching Zell's attention.

"Hey Squall," Zell greeted, pulling the red thing off and pulling on a black tang top. He offered the other man a seat on his bed or at his desk. "Make yourself comfortable."

"Date?"

Zell groaned. He was really getting tired of everyone assuming that he was going out on a date. "No!" he snapped, plopping down on the bed, Squall taking his desk chair. "Everything looks like shit today."

"Just wear what you normally wear. She'll like it," Squall offered, standing. "Selphie asked me to give you these." He dug in his pocket for a small bag. "Sorry." His own cheeks were pink stained, as he handed over the bag.

"Dammit Selphie!" he groaned, tossing them over by his pillow knowing exactly what was in the bag. "I am not getting laid and it's not a fucking date!" He tried not to get angry, sure that it would do nothing but ruin his evening that was to come. "Thanks."

"She did the same thing to me last year."

Zell couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm sure."

"Have fun tonight, okay?" he said, resting a hand on Zell's shoulder.

Zell nodded, watching Squall leave. "I'm going to kill you after Christmas Selphie, you are so dead," he said, flopping backwards on his bed. He wasn't even sure what time Seifer wanted him to come over. "Shit."

Seifer was moving around his dorm room, trying to think if he was missing anything. He had the alcohol, some snacks, even some movies even though he really didn't have a good sized TV. He had his stereo if the movie idea failed anyway, and they didn't have to worry about how loud it got. He did have some spare CDs around his room somewhere. "Why am I so nervous?" he asked, looking up at himself in the mirror stopping in his bathroom to run a bit of water through his hair. "It's just Chickie, don't act like some creep now."

He touched the warm metal on his wrist, almost smiling. "He didn't say when he was even coming over…." He sighed, looking at his pitiful reflection, almost wanting to smash it. "Snap out of it, dumb ass, he's just a chicken that decided to be nice to you. Yeah, that's it, just some civil talk for the holidays. Nothing more."

A knock at the door made Seifer turn his head to the door. "Zell?" he questioned to himself, looking at the built in walk clock. 6:54. He pressed the door to open, looking straight into a dark chest. "Raijin…" He sighed, almost relieved that it wasn't Zell. "What's up?"

Raijin gave a sheepish grin. "Do you have any condoms, ya know?" he asked, scuffing his feet along the floor. "Hey you cleaned up too, ya know."

Seifer sighed, "Raijin, you know I don't have any." He looked over his best friend, not wanting to think about how he was going to be spending his Christmas Eve with his girlfriend.

"Here," came a softer voice as if embarrassed. "Selphie gave me these but I don't need 'em."

Raijin smiled like a kid in a candy store. "Thanks Chick, I owe you one, ya know," he said, taking the offered bag. "See ya tomorrow Seif." With that Raijin was gone, almost skipping down the hallways.

"I thought we were just having some drinks," Seifer said, holding the door open for the smaller man, thinking he looked cute with a blue long sleeved shirt on under his normal jacket. He mentally slapped himself, telling himself it wasn't that kind of meeting. He pressed the close button after Zell had stepped inside.

Zell flushed. "Like I said… Selphie gave them to me…. She thought I had a date," he stuttered, brushing the back of his head with a gloved hand. "I brought some wine. Irvine got home early. It's one of Galbadia's specialties."

Seifer nodded, watching as Zell pulled it out of his long pockets. "What else do you have in there?" he asked, taking the bottle and setting it in his own mini fridge, hidden carefully away under his table in the corner of the room.

"This," Zell said, waiting until Seifer turned around to place the bright red Santa hat on his head. He started cracking up, Seifer looking hilarious in his regular attire with a Santa hat. "You look great!"

Seifer growled, pushing on Zell's forehead to get him off of him. He pulled away, keeping the hat on just because it made Zell laugh. He smiled, his heart starting to beat faster. "I hope this isn't another one of your presents," he said, pulling out two glasses. "Wine or liquor?"

Zell stopped laughing just enough to say wine, a glint of metal catching his eye. "You kept it on," he whispered, Seifer stopping. "I didn't think you were going to wear it."

Seifer smiled, thankful that his back was to the marital artist. "Why wouldn't I? It matches my necklace." He turned around, the smile falling into a grin. "I like it."

Zell smiled. "I'm glad." He took the bottle in hand and unwrapped the foil. "I don't have a cork screw."

Seifer chuckled. "Just like you to come unprepared. I got one somewhere," he said, leaving to dig in one of his drawers in his desk, leaving the red hat there. "Here."

Zell took it, and opened the bottle, hurrying to put a glass under to keep from spilling it all over Seifer's floor. Once his was poured his set the bottle down and stared into his glass.

"What's up?" Seifer asked, not touching his own blue colored wine before Zell.

"We should make a toast," Zell spoke up, lifting his glass a little. "To… to uh… to being alone on Christmas Eve."

Seifer raised his glass and added, "to new friends." He clinked glasses with Zell and took a giant gulp. He wished he hadn't afterwards. "What the hell is this shit?" His vision blurred slightly, only to clear out after a moment.

"I don't know Irvine brought it back to me. He said it was good and strong," Zell said sipping at his lightly.

"I can tell that."

Zell started to smile, each drink better tasting than the last until finally the entire bottle was gone. He looked down, pulling the bottle to his lips, whining. "Why's the wine gone?" he whimpered, dropping it with the dull thud.

Seifer shook his head. "You drank the rest of it," he slurred, reaching into the fridge for another few drinks. "You like horror movies?" He stood there, cold drink in hand. "Cooler or beer."

"Cooler, tastes better and yeah." Zell stumbled over to Seifer, tripping on his own feet. "Maybe I should just stay down here for a while," he laughed, getting a hand from the other man. He was close enough to Seifer to smell his cologne again and being tipsy it smelled good. "Mmm you smell good."

Seifer grinned. "You coming on to me again?" he asked, helping Zell into his room and depositing him onto his bed. "I'll be back, don't move."

Zell nodded, flipping his shoes off and pulling his feet up. "It sure is warm," he noticed, pulling off his jacket. "I'll just take this shirt off." He did just that, pulling the blue sweater off and throwing it over his shoes. He pulled back on his jacket, a little too chilly to leave it off.

Seifer stood in the doorway, almost mesmerized by the way Zell had thrown off his shirt, his muscles perfectly sculpted and taut. He noticed Zell wasn't bulky, unlike his clothes made him look, he was pretty slender to be in such good shape. "You like Nightmare on Elm Street?" he asked, mouth going dry.

Zell nodded. "Yeah." Zell sat up enough for Seifer to sit down after putting the DVD in the TV, before plopping his head in Seifer's lap.

Seifer felt his cheeks start to flare up Zell had his head in his lap, breathing lightly on his thigh. "Don't cling to me if you get scared," he said, pressing the play button on his remote. He had to admit the only reason he liked horror movies were for the girls but he really didn't have much interest in this one. He'd gotten back up half way through to bring in the back of chips he'd bought and gotten more beer and wine coolers.

Zell turned his head to look up at Seifer, taking in the strong chin and deep scar. "Did it hurt?" he asked, reaching up to touch the small indent. "I remember the day you got it."

Seifer caught Zell's hand. He didn't like it to be touched. "Of course it hurt," he said, his own fingers running over the flesh wound. He was silent, remembering what it signified. He looked down at Zell, a hand coming to touch the black mark on Zell's cheek. It moved, almost touching the soft blond locks as his hand with Zell's wrist moved for it to press against the dark material of his jean shorts.

Zell felt his heart start to race, Seifer was coming closer and he wasn't fighting. He wasn't scared, as he leaned up slightly, letting their lips meet in a chaste kiss. His heart raced harder and faster, keeping his mind on the lips that were warm against his. He felt Seifer pull away.

Seifer was surprised at himself for kissing Zell but even more surprised that Zell was kissing him back. "Drunk?" he asked, even after such a short and chaste kiss he was breathless.

Zell shook his head, not wanting to lie. He was more than a little tipsy but he was fully aware of his actions. "You?" he asked back, looking deep into the stormy green eyes.

"A little," Seifer answered, pulling away completely. "Sorry." He stood from his bed, taking his face in one hand. He couldn't believe that he was stupid enough to actually kiss the other boy. "Fuck." He stepped over to the doorway.

Zell stood too, tripping into Seifer. "It's Christmas Eve, everyone else is doing something," he said, hands moving around Seifer to rest under his shirt. His fingers ran over the warm flesh, delving under the shirt.

"I don't care for one night stands," Seifer said through clenched teeth, his body starting to react to Zell's touches.

"Doesn't have to be," Zell said back, grabbing the edges of Seifer's coat and pulling it off, throwing it to land with his shirt and shoes. He turned Seifer to face him, cheeks pink from alcohol and arousal. He pressed their mouths together, his tongue pushing into Seifer's. He took in the sweet taste of the wine, the bitter of the beer, and a taste that could only be described as Seifer. "Mmm."

Seifer groaned, not wanting to stop. "Zell," he whispered, grabbing the other boy by the back of his coat. He pulled away, his breathing erratic. "Can't handle it." He stumbled over his words, knowing that the alcohol had more than a little to do with it.

"What do you mean by that?" Zell snapped, sitting back on the bed, leaning back on the pillow. "I could handle you." Fire was in his eyes as they locked with Seifer's. He tried not to think about the nagging feeling he had, telling his head to stop yelling at him about how his dreams would be just as shattered as the ones before the war if he went through with everything.

Seifer sighed, turning towards the open part of his dorm room. "I can't handle it," he admitted, leaning on the doorframe. His eyes rested on the carpet, his head spinning. "Can't handle being alone when it doesn't last." He pushed off of the doorframe and walked into the small study room. He opened the fridge and took another beer out. He hadn't lied to Zell about it. He didn't want to watch the younger blond walk out of his life like everyone else did after they got tired of him.

"Seifer," Zell called, standing. He knew what Seifer meant. He didn't want to be alone either. "We can learn." He came up behind the boy, hands wrapping around his waist. "I can leave."

Seifer's heart started to thump disappointedly in his chest. "If you want," he said, standing still, the warm arms around him warming him up more. He couldn't move, Zell keeping him in a firm grip. "Don't want to risk it."

"Your image?" Zell spat, knowing Seifer's most prized possession after his gunblade and necklace being his pride.

"No, my heart."

Zell stiffened, knowing that he was going deeper into Seifer's mind. "Not just your heart on the line," he murmured, resting his head in the middle of Seifer's shoulder blades. "It would be mine too."

Seifer gave a humph. "Right, like you really love me," he snapped, pulling away from Zell and looking down into the half lidded orbs. He was angry, Zell was playing games with him and he wasn't going to deal with it.

"Never been in love, don't know what it feels like," Zell replied, voice calm but firm. "Show me."

"Show you love?" Seifer asked, more than a little surprised. "I don't know how to show someone that. Why do you think I've been in love?"

"Rinoa loved you, she said so back right before the war when we thought you were gonna be executed. Said you loved each other," he said, taking Seifer's beer and setting it on the table. "C'mon. It's just another dream broken for me, I'm used to it by now."

Seifer sighed, pulling Zell to him in a makeshift hug. "I can't shatter anymore of your dreams," he said, feeling the ragged breath on his chest. He wanted to pull away, try and escape from the feeling that was taking him over, knowing that he would only hurt Zell and himself. "Can't handle anymore pain that I caused you."

Zell nuzzled Seifer's silver necklace, pressing a kiss to warm flesh. "I can take it," he said, reaching up and kissing Seifer on the mouth. "One night stand or more is up to you."

Seifer sighed, allowing Zell to pull him back into the bedroom and push him to the bed. "Zell," he murmured, watching as the other boy pulled off his jacket and crawled onto the bed. He felt lips on his own before he had a chance react. He was captivated by the way the smaller man moved. "Please."

Zell smirked. "I always wanted to hear that," he said, pressing his lips to Seifer's, a hand clinging to the soft material of the blue shirt while he moved up Seifer's legs. His kiss was soft and chaste.

Seifer closed his eyes, not wanting to let his lust take over. "It'll just be sex," he tried to reason, telling himself that it was going to mean nothing to them in the morning.

"Don't care."

"I do."

"We'll both be hurt then."

"Gonna shatter a dream."

"Doesn't matter, never gonna get it anyway."

Seifer pulled away from Zell and his intoxicating kisses. "What is it then?" he asked, holding Zell by the shoulders. He was trying to keep an even tone, knowing that if he didn't push Zell away now he would fall to deep in the hole that they were digging.

"Doing it with someone that loves me," Zell admitted, slouching in Seifer's arms, eyes focused on the mused sheets. "Doesn't matter, no one wants me for who I am, just wants me because of the status." He was suddenly sober.

Seifer pulled Zell in for a kiss, this one ravaging the other man's mouth, taking in every taste he could and exploring every crevice of the moist cavern. He didn't want to admit out loud that he cared for Zell. He always had but now was different, he didn't want to admit that he was really starting to wonder if he cared for him beyond a friend. "I can pretend."

"Thought you said it was just gonna be sex."

"You said it didn't matter."

Zell chuckled. "You're right." He felt his lips taken in a passionate kiss. He felt hands start to run over his exposed chest, making him gasp out when dull fingernails ran over his nipples. "Seifer," he groaned, his own hands tugging at the too restrictive clothing. He unzipped Seifer's shirt and yanked it off. "Look better without it."

Seifer felt his cheeks start to burn, lips moving farther down Zell's neck. He nipped at the raging pulse, a hand moving farther down Zell's abdomen. He wasn't sure if he would get clobbered for what he was doing or not. He fumbled with the belt buckle and unbuttoned them. He looked up, Zell's eyes closed as while his own cheeks were stained red.

Zell leaned back, his head resting softly on the pillow. "Never done this before," he whispered, tossing the shirt in his hands over to their pile of clothes.

"Me neither," Seifer said, looking up and noticing the leather gloves. He pulled them off of Zell's dainty hands and tossed them to the side. He slipped farther down Zell, taking a nipple into his mouth and lightly sucking on it, his fingers playing over the other one with teasing force.

Zell cried out, a hand covering his mouth. He didn't want to make too much noise so the neighbors new what they were doing.

"Sound proof, don't worry about being loud," Seifer muttered against Zell's skin, nipping playfully at his abs. He eased up, his hands on Zell's waistband. He looked deep into the other man's eyes, pulling them off slowly.

Zell felt his breath hitch, the cool air coming across his engorged flesh. He sat up, pushing Seifer to sit back on his knees. He jerked at the belt and black jeans, getting them off as quickly as possible off the other boy, noticing that he wasn't wearing anything under them. He hissed, a hand coming into the contact with his sensitive flesh.

"I'm not gentle," Seifer whispered, taking his place between Zell's legs, their erections meeting for the first time. It caused lightening to shoot up his spine before spiraling downwards into his already throbbing erection.

"Thought you said you never did this before?"

Seifer groaned, Zell thrusting his hips into his. "Never done it with a guy," he clarified, kissing down Zell's tattoo, encircling both of their erections into a hand. "Feel good?"

"Mm hmm," Zell moaned, thrusting into the tight heat. He gasped, clinging to Seifer's shoulders. He couldn't tell Seifer that he'd never been with anyone, not now. He felt Seifer start to pull away and his eyes flew open.

"Need lube," Seifer gasped, reaching over to his desk. "This has to work." He pulled out a bottle of body lotion. He opened it and smothered one finger with it. "Relax." He encouraged Zell to lean back and enjoy what he was about to do.

Zell was nervous, the finger tracing his entrance before slipping slightly inside. He clenched around it, already uncomfortable. "Don't like it," he gasped, clutching Seifer's shoulders again. He cried out, Seifer's finger making a deeper intrusion and touching something inside of him that almost made him cum right there.

"You sound good," Seifer said, continuing his intrusion to Zell's body, adding another finger after Zell had become used to the single digit. He licked at a small trail of sweat on Zell's neck, causing the other boy to shiver. "Cold?"

Zell nodded then shook his head. He couldn't decide. his body was on fire but the air was chilly. "Seifer," he groaned, the taller boy moving over him, bringing warmth. His mind was racing, he knew he was throwing his dreams to the wind for nothing. There was no way that Seifer was going to look at him any differently than just the little Chicken Wuss he'd always been called.

Seifer felt Zell loosen up and allow a third finger to enter. "You look good," he groaned, kissing Zell lightly on the lips.

Zell was too embarrassed to say anything. He saw stars over and over as Seifer hit that spot over and over with his fingers. "Wait," he whimpered, nails digging into the soft flesh of Seifer's shoulder.

Seifer pulled his fingers out, Zell dragging his nails down the back of his shoulders. He hissed, the searing pain only making him want Zell more. "Condom?" he asked, resting his face in the crook of Zell's neck.

"Don't have any, gave em to Raijin, member?" he asked, his breathing labored, Seifer's tickling his neck. "Need one?"

Seifer threw caution to the wind. "No," he said, a hand pulling Zell's hips up slightly. He pulled away just enough to lather up in lotion and place the head at Zell's entrance. "You sure?" He looked somberly into Zell's half lidded eyes, knowing once he started there was no going back.

Zell nodded, feeling Seifer ease into him. "Seifer!" he screamed, the entire length pressing inside of him. "Hurts!" Tears started forming in his eyes.

Seifer kissed the corners of his eyes, tasting the salty water. "I warned you," he reminded, trying not to move until Zell was ready. He felt the boy squirm and he started to pull out. "It should start to feel better."

Zell nodded, trying to relax and get used to the sensation. He gasped, Seifer hitting that spot again only harder. "Fuck!" he cried, wrapping his legs around Seifer's waist for more leverage. He didn't think the first time he had sex would feel so good. "Mm Seifer!"

Seifer smirked, he liked Zell calling out his name. "Zell," he murmured, tasting the other man's name, finding he liked it. He thrust slowly, trying to take his time with Zell and not rush it. The tight heat made him want to come right then.

Zell pushed back into Seifer with each thrust, hands roaming the other man's back. "Seifer… so good…"

Seifer nodded, voice gone. He reached between them and took up Zell's neglected erection and started to stroke it in time to his thrusts. "Cum for me baby," he whispered, his thrusts getting frantic and fast.

Zell felt it coming. He didn't want it to end so soon. "Too good… too soon…" He tried to hold back, his body finally taking over and sending streams of white fluid between their sweat slicked bodies. He cried out, his orgasm making him see stars. "Seifer!"

Seifer continued thrusting, wanting his own release. Zell's voice had almost made him cum right as it called his name. He wanted to ask Zell if it were ok that he came inside but before he could ask, Zell had started moving against him more fervently, making his pleasure increase to the point of breaking. "Zell… gonna cum…" he warned, wrapping the other man in his arms as he crushed their lips together.

Zell cried out again, filling with a warmth that he'd never known. "Seifer…" he whimpered, the other man pressing gentle kisses all over his face. "Never knew sex felt so good."

Seifer chuckled, pulling out of Zell and lying next to him, opening his arms. He felt Zell curl into him, kissing his chest lightly. "Never had anyone this good?" he teased, running a hand through the loose spikes.

Zell blushed. "Never had sex before," he mumbled, feeling Seifer pull away.

"That was your first time?" Seifer asked, heart pounding. "Shit Zell… you were a virgin?" He looked down into the embarrassed face. "Shouldn't have wasted it one someone like me."

Zell shook his head. "Didn't waste it," he said, pressing a kiss over Seifer's heart. "Gave it to someone special, that was my original dream."

"Fuck," Seifer sighed, yanking the covers over them. "Should have saved it."

"Why so I could get fucked over later?" Zell snapped, looking up at Seifer.

Seifer shook his head. "I'm not worth something like that. Look at me, I'm nothing Zell. I can't protect you. I can't give you everything you want, shit I can barely get by on my own. Why would you give something that special away to someone like me?"

"Because I care about you," Zell said calmly. He pressed a kiss to Seifer's lips, tasting the sweat.

Seifer pressed into Zell, wanting to taste his mouth again. His tongue ran over the moist cavern, taking in every taste he could as if when he let go he was going to be struck down. "Why me?" he questioned, holding Zell closer.

Zell shrugged. "Warm." He snuggled into Seifer, feeling sleep start to take him over. He yawned and drifted off like everything was ok, like they'd been lovers for years.

Seifer laid awake, trying to sort out his thoughts. He did care for Zell somehow but he didn't think he loved him, not yet. "Merry Christmas, Zell," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the boys forehead, tracing the tattoo with one hand. "Beautiful." He held Zell protectively against his chest, taking in the smell of his hair.

Zell cracked an eye open, looking up at Seifer's peacefully sleeping face. He untangled their bodies, and sat on the edge of the bed. He played over the night in his head, back to Seifer's sleeping form. "Glad you can't hear me, but I wouldn't mind trying a relationship," he whispered, looking back at the sleeping gunblader. He smiled, an arm wrapping around his waist and pulling him back into bed. "You're gonna make me fall for you, you keep doing this."

"Might want you to."

Zell stiffened, looking at the closed eyes. "Seif?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah."

Zell took in a deep breath. "I…" He stopped, Seifer tugging him back under the covers.

"It can wait until morning," he said, pulling Zell back to him. "Wouldn't mind a relationship either." He eased open an eye, trying to look down at the surprised face. "Merry Christmas." He kissed Zell soft and sweet before settling back down.

"Merry Christmas," Zell returned, a hand moving under the covers to touch Seifer's scar. He knew Seifer wouldn't like him touching it but it made Seifer who he was. His fingers eased over it, making him shiver. He pulled his hand back, resting his head under Seifer's.

"I'd give it all away just to have some where to go to, give it all away to have someone to come home to," Zell whispered, thinking of the song that had made him hate December.

"I'll be here as long as you want me."

Zell smiled. "Forever," he whispered back, throwing his arm over Seifer's waist. He could only hope everything would be the same in the morning and they would wake with a smile and a Christmas kiss.

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(A/N): Well this is my yearly Christmas fic! I've come to notice that I do one every year and I really enjoy using the theme. So I spent three days on this, only stopping to eat and sleep really. I hope you like it even though I feel like I rushed it near the end because I was running out of time to finish it. I was inspired by Linkin Park's "My December" and was named after it. It's my favorite song they did so it sparked the idea.

JacktheSinister_JaketheJust


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